Praying in Ink

Confession: I don't pray well silently. 

I used to really hate praying aloud, too, but my fiance has really helped me with that. We take turns blessing the meals we share out loud, and his example and load of practice have helped me know where to look for the words I want to use. 

But praying silently? A rush of emotions. A jumble of thoughts. A massive word dump that I have trouble controlling. 

It nearly always ends up going something like this, "Well, God, You know what is on my heart, you understand the issues I'm having. Hmmm I need to make sure I email my boss tomorrow and double check that we get that grant out the door. Bleah, my stomach is uncomfortable; did dinner tonight have dairy in it? I really wish it was easier for me to wake up in the mornings and get to the gym before work. Oh, yeah I'm supposed to be praying! Lord, please...."

While it may be true that God does know what is on my heart, and that sometimes my loquacious doesn't do me justice, that it is important for me to strive for articulation, if only for my own sake. 

I've been a journaler for as long as I can remember. My first journal had tiny red, orange, and yellow flowers on the covers, and was a simple, lined-page, non-dated (my favorite format to this day) notebook that housed my activities, latest intellectual obsessions (let's be real, it was mostly Little House on the Prairie), mentions of the weather, and complaints about the behavior of my siblings. 

As I grew older the subject matter of my journals changed, but my over all model of record didn't. 

That has changed recently. I was writing in my brand new leather bound journal in January, expressing my concern over some matter, when all of the sudden, I wrote: 

"Lord, please help me keep that energy and desire to please you and bring your kingdom to Earth. guide me through this week and help my actions reflect your love, grace, and benevolence. Give me the heart of a servant, the discernment of a wise man, and the will to accomplish your desires."

How refreshing it was to articulate my prayers! It wasn't just word vomit anymore, it was coherent thoughts and desires sitting on that page, the ink still glistening. 

I'm hooked now; and while I do still say prayers in my heart, I've found that praying in ink gives me the chance to slow down, consider what my words and emotions mean, and let my prayers flow from my heart through my pen. 

Peace and Blessings, y'all